He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I love having hate sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
