I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
