I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
