There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
