4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
