I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
