This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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