Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
