I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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