Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
