like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
