Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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