I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
