The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm at about main and main street
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
