my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
