I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wanna passion pit in your ass
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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