he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
