I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
