I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
