My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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