He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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