He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dear god my vagina.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
