he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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