I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
