You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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