wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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