His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
