I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
