Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
