the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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