Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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