Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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