I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
