I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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