Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
