I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
