i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
