Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
