Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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