We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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