I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
