Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
