I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
