Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
ttyl tear gas
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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