I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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