As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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