this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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