whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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