Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
