Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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