It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
