Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
