Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
